I Got Jesus and You Will Too

ok so maybe this isn't the right forum for this, but fuck y'all, this is my blog and i'll say what i may. I've already told you all about being saved, and it was the real thing and I ain't no christian nor will i ever be because really those people have just ruined it all, and just like any good marketer and psychologist i will abandon what has been twisted and start again.

So here's the story.

I got Jesus. I mean I got him, like he's half kid half man kinda like Peter Pan and it's him no question cause since I got him I remembered everything and he is everything, people. He's all that and more. You don't have anything to worry about because he can take it all, he's the winner, hands down. You will all love him because you have no goddam choice, you'll see. Or maybe he's just for me.  That's quite likely.  He's irresistible, utterly. In every way.  But he's still too young to deal with the fact that he's all that.  He's got some more living to do and I figure he'll come across the fact of who he is eventually on his own time, so in the meantime I'm making all these arrangements for him, for people to meet him and look after him. I'm kinda like his eagle, or something, all covering him, all keeping him safe and confused and not dying cause he was pretty ruined when i found him but you know everything goes its own way, the way it gotta. And now that everything's been pointing me to the Freemasons and turns out they got the Rosecrucians who got the Illuminati who know all about all this cause they got the Anti-Christ, who I even happen to know funny enough, but that's another tangent story. Anyhoo, it's time to figure out what their plan is and I've got some meetings when I'm back in the US and let's see if they think I'm as crazy as you do.

ok now right now i know you're saying this lady's off her rocker. And sure maybe i am, but it's kinda interesting don't you think? What can I do, it's my life. So I'll keep on trucking cause that's what we do. And you know you want to know more about what happens next, don't you, nosepicker?

So stay tuned for developments cause I can't talk to anyone else about all this.

free ideas! free ideas! or not.

There's this company here in NZ trying to get my ideas. Maybe it's strange that I'll put them here but not give them directly to someone to do something with. They're good ideas, don't you think? Scroll down to scroll down and you'll see. Since I'm touting my genius, here are my good ideas for New Zealand. If the masters find them here and do them before me, then so be it:

1) Honey Store. ok there's a HoneyCo in Welly, but they do all their own honeys, different varietals, yes, but I have to say it's not the best stuff by far that I've tasted. Someone please import all the best honey from all over the country to one place and sell it to the tourists and locals alike.  Put the store close to where the cruise ships come on.  Everyone wants NZ honey.  And I know I'd shop there to get my favorite creamed honey from the Akaroa Peninsula, or that white honey from near Dunedin. Mmm, perfect honeys.

2) Burritos. Is this town screaming late-night burrito window joint, or is it just me? Courtney Place I hear is the #1 pickup spot in the world. The WORLD, people. And who doesn't want a whopping mega super burrito when they're shopping for ass in the best hoochey spot in the Whole World? I know I do. And do it in a window, take over that stupid sausage place. I'm gunna if you don't.

3) Cupcakes. In the daytime, make that burrito place a cupcake haven. New Zealanders love their 2pm sweet tea break, and I want to give it to them, sans public bathroom to have to clean up. That sausage place: ooh you better watch out as I have a hundred plans for you and someday you will be mine.

4) Cheap chinese imports. I mean, come on. Stuff in NZ is ridiculous expensive. Where is the mail order crap? Why can't I get cheap plastic chotchkes for pennies? Be the first to import ridiculous bulk kitchy shit from china and sell it to us, like omigod what's that place called in the usa where you can buy little everythings from a catalogue, seasonal amazing little hundreds and thousands? someone tell me...

5) Sheep's cheese.  For lords sake, why cant a New Zealander buy some cheap amazing sheeps milk cheese in New Zealand?  The stuff is more affordable in the USA, but NZ is the one with the millions of sheep.  SOMEBODY, do it.

6) Donut truck.  Do it.  Park it outside of churches on Sunday mornings.  Park it outside of bars on weekend nights.  And even better, make them healthy-ish using coconut oil and organic ingredients, and alternate sugars.  If you don't, I will when I'm a thousandaire.

So there you have it. Now I'm going to write about Jesus. And it's not what you'd think, heathens.