Disaster Recovery

It's all about Disaster Recovery for me.  About having enough respect for death and destruction (inadvertant and not) that you plan for it, look it in the eye and try to understand it, so that you can conquer, so that you can survive.  We are fighting for survival: in the idea of heaven, reincarnation, and the rest that gives hope that a soul once left its body has a chance.  We want our memories.  We want what we love to remain with us.  We cannot let it go.

The song is powerful, even for a cynic, even for a non-believer.  It sways, it wraps around, it tickles its way in.

Change is instigated by allowing those who need to change to lead.  Letting them make mistakes.  Letting them learn to balance by being allowed to fall, and seeing that falling doesn't feel as good as getting higher.

By allowing them to practice, and make mistakes, and bear with the mistakes, and say nothing.  By not judging others by their mistakes.

By practicing ourselves, to be what we teach.  By making mistakes ourselves, to see that it is best if everyone else is silent in response, if we know what we did.  By being told, when we don't know that we made a mistake.  By deciding that I am strong and weak in different ways than others, and so we are all strong in different ways, and so we are all strong, and weak.

I'm always organizing for my sudden and untimely death.  I don't want things to be chaotic and a mystery when I die.  There will be enough mysteries for anyone who is interested, or has to be interested, in my affairs.  There will be bank accounts to close, credit cards to reconcile, taxes to file, announcements to be made, children to be planned for, a child's loss to explain, grief to counsel, a burial to arrange, belongings to be gone through, a body of work to be promoted (or not), questions to be answered, lives to move on.

I foresee all the worst outcomes and organize my priorities, acting upon the highest, keeping #1 priority always in sight, referred to when there are choices to be made.  I try to remember.

And what have my priorities been?

1. My daughter
2. My work
3. My family
4. My simple-as-possible-to-deal-with-for-someone-else-in-case-of-my-death belongings and affairs.

I act dumb, because I remember that I am weak.  And so I plan ahead, because I have weaknesses.  And because I want those weaknesses to have practice because, like stage fright, they can eventually become accustomed to the lights and the flashing and the distraction.  Because I want my stage fright to be sorted out, I will practice riding the horse before I enter myself in the rodeo.  Because I want to ride just a second longer, I will remember that I have to practice.  Because I have to practice, I will arrange my priorities as such.

And what have my priorities become?
1. My work
2. My daughter
3. My family
4. My simple-as-possible-to-deal-with-for-someone-else-in-case-of-my-death belongings and affairs.

Because if I want my daughter to be all that she can be, I must teach her that an individual's life work is the primary thing they have to give to the world, including their offspring.  I want my child to be a star that shines brighter than any other in the sky; the one that catches the universe's attention and where every good thing wants to live, and thrives within her.  Let her attract the most beauty, the most goodness, and let her learn that she must shine because it is the thing that she does best.  Let her learn from her mother's example, that we must shoot for the stars, and that every star will shine, if allowed.

And all that is left is rust and stardust, daddy and baby, a call to arms, and practice practice practice.

https://soundcloud.com/queenb1313131313131/touch